i met this amazing man through a great friend of mine whose debt i will forever be in...he set logan and me up, and we had our first date one year ago today...i can honestly say what happened after that was the most stressful, trying time i've ever been through, but i'm so grateful and blessed to be with a person who is infinitely more patient, understanding, and wise than i...
backstory real quick (for those interested): i had been writing a missionary for over a year before being introduced to logan...no, to answer your question, i wasn't "waiting" for him (in the stereotypical i'm-not-dating-anyone-else-until-he-gets-home way)...did i write him an email every week? yes. did i want to pursue things when he got home? yes. but did i sit around and waste away and avoid every other guy for that time? absolutely not. i dated, i hung out, but i just didn't really find anyone that i connected with--until september 21st and he was due home in less than 3 months...
at first, i thought logan and i were just going to be friends who probably ended up doing the "we need to hang out!" "yeah for sure..call me!" thing, then when he found out i was writing a missionary, he would be gone like every other guy...but then we started talking more, started going out more, and i started to fall for him. hard. and fast.. and i knew that he needed to know about this missionary, i just didn't know when or how to tell him. so i stressed and worried and gave myself a deadline to tell him about it...unfortunately, he didn't find out exactly the way i wanted him to (from me), which was probably better because i would've been a tear-filled, blubbering mess..i was honestly expecting him to be so angry at me for not telling him for so long that he would never talk to me again. but, instead, he was completely understanding of my situation...he never even hinted that he was vaguely upset about it..he'd let me cry on his shoulder when i didn't know how to handle things, he would listen to me say the same things over and over again, and we'd talk for hours on end about all the different aspects of the situation...it probably killed him to hear me talk about another guy, but he never once complained, never got mad at me, and never said, "i don't want to talk about this anymore"..
when the missionary did arrive home, logan made it clear that he wanted me to spend time with the other guy, but that he would be available any time i wanted to see him..i was selfish and wanted to be able to see both of them, and for whatever reason, he let me...in retrospect, i understand why he did what he did--he wanted there to be no lingering doubts, no matter what happened--and there are and were none..that just proves him to be so much smarter and less selfish than me..
ultimately, the time came when i realized i no longer had feelings for the missionary...he just came back a different person, and we didn't connect on even a friendship level...he had assumed that i wasn't dating anybody while he was gone, and wasn't very understanding. i didn't think that was fair of him, so we got in a lot of arguments..every time i was with him, i found myself always wanting to be with logan, so we ended things. as always logan was there for me...he gave some time to let the smoke clear, and then we started dating officially...
looking back, i can't even describe my relief and happiness at my decision. i can honestly say that i've never had a second's regret or remorse for having ended things with the missionary. i have never been with a person who makes me so eager to get off work every night just so i can see him...he has made me and continues to make me happier than any other person on earth, and understands me better than even i do...i know that he would go to the ends of the earth to make me happy. he is the most patient person i know, and i'm really not just saying that. i am the most complicated mess of a person, especially in a relationship, and he never questions or judges, he's just patient and caring and supportive every single day. he always has a new perspective that never fails to be more compassionate than my own..we have legitimately never been in a fight, and i think it's because he is always the one to put the blame on himself, when both of us know it's usually my fault..he makes me smile when i'm in moods where i want to do nothing but cry. when i'm stressed out and frazzled, he's the only one who knows how to talk me down..he knows every single vice and fault of mine, and every mistake i've made, but has never uttered one word of judgement or condescension. i always have fun with him, no matter what we're doing--just hanging out and being lazy, or driving up the mountain to go scout for elk. i don't know how i managed to end up with such an amazing, kind, loving person, but i love him more than anything and couldn't possibly ask for more...
happy one year, log, and here's to a LOT more :)
